( Full list under the cutCollapse )
( Full list under the cutCollapse )
So I've been kind of absent lately, I know. There have been birthdays I've missed, emails I haven't replied to, friends' important moments in their lives that I haven't taken a moment to comment on. Please know that I know this, and that I'm sorry, and that even though I haven't been around, I have been thinking of all of you.
Ben had his operation yesterday though, and so far all signs are pointing to it being a total success. He's awake and talking, only slurring a little, which the doctors insist is just leftover from the anaesthetic (16 hour surgery!), his memory seems fine, and all his movements are coordinated and good - he can even walk already, even though he's a little wobbly. His fine motor skills are a little bit off still (he dropped a cup this morning), but even though Ben's concerned, his surgeon assures me it will go back to normal while he's recuperating. He's going to be in hospital for the next week, and if everything continues as it is, he'll be back at home by next Friday and back to work by the new year!
So yeah, that's a HUGE weight off my mind! And hopefully, once he's home again, I will feel settled enough to do more than just lurk in fandom. I know you've all got important stuff going on too, and I'm sorry that I've been too preoccupied with my own to offer you all my support, but I hope you know that you have it, whether I'm able to express it or not.
<3 <3 <3
This entry was originally posted at https://lauren3210.dreamwidth.org/46021.html. Please comment either there or here.
I've just written my first 1k for my hd_erised fic!! I'll admit, I've been moaning a bit about this one, because the things my giftee loves are just a touch off the mark with what I usually write. Not that I'm complaining or blaming the mods or anything, because I know they work really bloody hard to give something to everyone that they can feel comfortable writing, and it's not always going to be perfect. And, after 3 years of truly excellent match-ups for me, I'm absolutely okay with this one being a bit more of a challenge. It's just, a bit hard to get it going, and to get really enthusiastic about the process. But I've started it, which is always the hardest part, and I have a cheerleader to keep me going, and even my trusty beta has promised to hold my hand, even though she's no longer involved in fandom, which is really sweet and encouraging, so I'm sure I'll find my excitement again soon!
So, I came back from holiday a couple of weeks ago, and it's taken me this long just to get back to normal. I must tell you all my experience, because OMG was it a rollercoaster! Okay, so some friends of ours convinced us to go on a coach trip to Spain. They went last year, and they had loads of fun, meeting new people during the 26 hour (!!) drive across France and through the pyrenees (I think? Some mountain range, anyway). So we decided to give it a go, because all the kids would keep each other amused (they have 3 too) and us grownups would have some other adults to talk to. And everything went fine, it was chucking it down with rain on the ferry, Eryn abandoned us to go chat up a boy (because of course), we all watched some movies on the private TVs on the seats, and we chatted and tried to fall asleep and everything was good. Until 1 in the morning, somewhere in Northern France, when the fucking coach broke down! So we were stuck there, on the top floor of this bloody double decker coach, for NINE HOURS OMG. It was boiling, we were swimming in our own sweat, and Imogen (plus a few other younger passengers) ended up being sick due to dehydration. The French police brought us food and water (because the trip organisers couldn't be bothered), and we ended up arriving at the campsite 13 hours later than we should have. I basically had to play I Spy for 12 hours as well, because the replacement coach they found for us didn't have the TVs, and the seats didn't recline, so I had to amuse Imogen for the entire trip through France. It was a fucking nightmare, omg.
Spain was lovely, though. It's been a few years since I've been, and I'd forgotten just how hot it gets there! I even managed to get sunburn (Me!!) on my boobs - ouch! - because I sorted out the kids and Ben and totally forgot about myself, as you do. Imogen went just about able to swim, and came back able to dive like a dolphin and knowing how to snorkle with the fish. We all got lovely tans, Eryn lost her favourite bracelet in the sea, and we all discovered a new Dutch dish that we all absolutely love (it's called 'patat oorlog', and it's chips with raw onion, mayonnaise and satay sauce, which sounds like it really shouldn't go together but it really does and it was amazeballs omg). So yeah, other than getting there, we had a great time, and I'd love to go back again another year - although probably not via coach, haha!
The kids are still at home for the summer, and they're all starting to get on each other's nerves (and mine), so I can't wait for school to start up again. Eryn got her AS level results yesterday, and she got an A and 2 Bs! She's very happy, and ready to buckle down and get even better results next year, so she can get into a good university. She wants to go to London, which is going to be expensive for us, but if she wants it, we'll sort it for her.
I'm writing a new HD fic, as well as the Ersied one. It was an idea I had, and I don't know if I'll ever finish it, but it would be nice to write a fic again just for fun and because I feel like it, rather than for a fest (although those are always fun too!). Plus, I'm in the middle of rewriting one of my older HD fics into an original story. Well, I say 'middle', but what I really mean is that I'm right at the start. I'll get there though. Maybe...
And... I think that's it? Hope you guys are all happy and well, and I'm going to try commenting on people's posts again - I'm constantly reading them when I don't have time to reply, and then I forget to come back, but I'm working on fixing that!
Love to you all xx This entry was originally posted at http://lauren3210.dreamwidth.org/45669.html. Please comment either there or here.
Please, please, please?? I'll love you forever :DDD
Then, Ben became ill, like, really ill. It turns out that his congenital hearing defect plus the accident he had as a child (he sliced his face off by falling through a window and had to have several reconstructive surgeries when he was a toddler) have combined to create a gaping hole behind his left eardrum, a hole that has now filled itself with a tumour. It's benign, which is a relief, but it's also still growing, and if it isn't removed soon it may start eating into his brain, so he has to have surgery. And it's a big one. They have to saw into his skull and remove the bone - from temple to an inch or so behind his ear, remove the tumour, then replace the skull. It's brain surgery basically, and we've all been kind of freaking out about it. Luckily, due to Ben's profession, we're not exactly going into this blind - my kids play with the kids of the surgeon who's going to be doing the operation - so we're a bit better prepared than others might be. But still, it's really freaking scary. Add to that my own operation - ablation for my women parts - and we're all kind of floundering a little bit.
And then, my Tumblr account unexpectedly blew up. Turns out, some (probably nice, I keep telling myself they're probably nice) person screencapped a post I wrote about Eryn 3 years ago about something cool she did at school once. So now, I'm being bombarded with hate messages, people telling me I'm a liar, that I'm an attention seeker, a bitch, I should fuck off and die, that my daughter should fuck off and die. Someone even told me I was fat which, while they're not wrong, was a little disturbing. Of course, I've also gotten some lovley messages of support too, but they're being buried by the hate. I've tried to look at it all pragmatically, because intellectually I know that anon hate is just a thing that people do because they can and that it's not really about me, but it's taken a bit of a toll. I find myself flinching a little whenever I log on, just waiting for the new influx of hateful things people have decided I deserve today. It's made me feel a bit nervous of fandom in general, actually.
BUT, now I have a new laptop that actually works (for the time being). I'm glad I managed to get it sorted out now, because I would have hated to have missed out on signing up for hd_erised ! So, now I'm going to catch up on some fics I've missed out on, and remind myself that fandom can be awesome! I've missed you guys!
This entry was originally posted at http://lauren3210.dreamwidth.org/45106.html. Please comment either there or here.
HOWEVER, in other news, it's my baby's 17th birthday today! I'm feeling a weird mix of pride and anxiety, coupled with feeling old as dirt. But forget about my impending middle age crisis and take a look at my gorgeous child:
( picture of my babyCollapse )
I mean... I made that. From scratch. I have no idea how I did it, but I am proud as fuck over it, to be honest.
But yeah, 17 today. Time flies past so damn quick, and I'm gonna go cry about that for a bit. See you all again soon! xx
For those of you interested in finding me on other platforms, here are my various online personas:
(It's so weird how you can track my fandom movements through my names! My Tumblr was set up way back when I was watching The Vampire Diaries, and Twitter when I was all gung-ho for Supernatural, and LJ and AO3 all happened back when I didn't understand originality and just used a handle that was close to my email address. I'm such a weirdo.)
I am currently dying of a cold that has lodged itself in my sinuses, and I feel like I am about to sneeze 100% of the time. But at least the weather's nice, so I am able to put my washing out on the line, which is nice. The girls are all gorgeous, horrible little brats as usual, and Ben is his usual grumpy asshole self, and absolutely nothing has changed in my life since my last post. When did I get so boring?
I received a comment on another fic of mine, letting me know that my story for last year's dracotops_harry fest had been added to a collection entitled 'Drarry', and that they could no longer view it, even though they had previously commented and bookmarked it. When I checked, I found that it had disappeared from my list of works, and the collection had at least 20 other unrevealed works in its list. I suspect that the creator has probably made a mistake, making a 'collection' of their favourite stories, without realising what an actual collection does to the fic itself. It's easy enough to fix - I just went in and removed my fic from the collection - but unless you know to look for it, you won't know that your fics aren't viewable. So, just letting you know that you might want to check your backlists and see if any are missing so you can remove it from the collection.
And if some people could repost this on their journals/tumblr/etc., that would be awesome, because I know there are many awesome H/D fic writers out there that don't have me on their flists!
Title: Ribbons and Bows
Word Count: 1586
Summary: Harry comes home from work to a prettily wrapped surprise.
Title: Grey and White
Word Count: 3 x 100
Summary: The world outside is grey and white.
Thank you to everyone who commented or recced or left kudos! And for those of you who have not yet seen the marvelous gift potteresque_ire made for me (and if not, seriously, where have you been? It's the bestest thing ever oh my God), here is a handy link: 9 Days of Snowmen. Go and scream about it and then leave lots of love!
Happy Monday, everyone! I hope everyone had a good weekend? It's a good day for me, because I finally have my laptop back, yay!! *jumps up and down* I'd just decided that I was going to try and post at least once a week, even if it was only to say "I have nothing to say", because I'm trying really hard this year not to just withdraw and go quiet on people, and then my laptop broke. It took Ben a couple of weeks to get around to looking at it for me, but it's up and running again now - although just barely, and I'm going to need a new one soon. But at least I now have something to type on, even if I am frantically backing up everything I write to gdocs just in case the laptop dies permanently. So anyway, hi!
Reading woes (here, have a random rant):
Has anyone ever read something that has made them so angry they're speechless? Because I did that last night, and I'm still not over it. The book was written by one of my favourite m/m writers too, which made it doubly shocking. I tried really hard to get the anger out in a GR review, but then I stupidly read the other reviews and I got angry all over again! Basically, the MC's love interest is this emotionally abusive cuntweasel (a word I used a lot in my review, because it fit so eloquently), but for some reason everyone else seems to think that's hot. "He's so awesome, so patient, so sweet, why is this book so short I need more Jack!!" UGH, so gross. And I'm so mad about it.
Comment woes (less of a rant, more thinky thoughts):
I got another weird comment on my bonding!fic, Unexpected Consequences the other day:
Fantastic drarry. Hermione turning into a Draco fangirl was not my favorite though. In particular her making excuses at the Burrow was entirely offputting given Draco nearly killing Ron and being the reason a werewolf could maimed Bill for like. That was shockingly unbelievable in an otherwise epic fic.
And at first I wasn't too bothered, because I thought the 'complaint' (for want of a better word) was written respectfully, and everyone's entitled to their opinion, so I just replied with my own and a 'thanks for reading'. But the more I think about it, the more uncomfortable I get, especially after I went back to the moment in question in the fic and reread it. Because all Hermione does is agree with Harry's reasons for agreeing to the bonding spell with Malfoy, and helps him come up with ways to make sure that no advantage is taken of him while in that position of powerlessness under Harry. That doesn't sound like a 'fangirl' to me, but just a basic decent human being who cares about people's rights - the rights of all people, not just the ones she thinks deserves them. And I guess it makes me a little uncomfortable to think about, because the Trio are meant to be these shining examples of humanity at its best, doing the right thing because it's the right thing to do, and if these people aren't supposed to respect whomever they come across, what does that say about us all? I just... can't stop thinking about it I guess, and I'm probably thinking way too deeply about one person's opinion of my stupid little fanfic, but I guess I just... don't understand.
Okay, now I'm gonna go do some work in the hopes of getting paid, and then try to read a book that won't give me a rage conniption! Have a great start to the week, guys! <33